So here it is, almost 11pm on a Sunday night and my kids are fast asleep in their cribs. The laundry is done (for the most part) the house is clean(ish) and I really don’t have much I have to be doing. The smart thing to do would be to go to bed, and tackle tomorrow with fresh eyes full of energy and vim and vigor- decaf coffee in hand… and I would… except I can’t….

I suffer from a debilitating disorder called insMOMnia. And I have it bad.

InsMOMnia is a condition that effects 1 of every 1 moms in the world. It is characterized by a lack of sleep despite being exhausted beyond comprehension. The sufferer can literally be hanging onto their sanity by a thread, and still unable to sleep. Symptoms include drinking a cup of finger paint, putting your pocketbook in the refrigerator, and trying to put your 2 year old daughter’s leggings on.

“Sleep when the baby sleeps”, they say… As if somehow when my kids shut their eyes, all of a sudden I punch a card and completely disengage from my role as their mom, as a wife, as a person who has worries and concerns.

I find it comical that people think you can run around all day with a baby in one hand, a poopie diaper in the other, always singing songs about cleaning up, and wiping snotty noses, dressing moving targets, blowing rasperries on precious little tummies… and then at bedtime just stop…. My brain just doesn’t work like that.

Let’s not even talk about the fact that we live in a location where, in the summer the darn sun doesn’t even go down! How can anyone develop a healthy sleep schedule with that kind of madness? True, the daylight is starting to somewhat resemble that of the lower 48 I am used to… (you will hear me refer to the L48 a lot) but the damage has been done people!

Call it circadian rhythms, retrograde, whatever you gotta call it,  the fact is, I have got it BAD! I just can’t shut off! And don’t think I haven’t tried! Like so many other well meaning moms before me, I have made the cute little calendar in my phone with the innocent ding that reminds me it’s time to snooze. I too, have climbed into bed, beside a snoring husband and tried desperately to fall asleep… and then….

Did I remember to put the trash out?

Did we switch over the laundry?

Did Johnny Depp get married yet?

Are there really three sets of double letters in the word bookkeeper?

Do bees actually have knees?


that goes on for about… hour? Until I finally say. forget it! and go back downstairs. At least I can get things done down here! And while we are being honest, I can also glean some of that coveted ME time! You know that time when I can sit on my own couch and watch the t.v show I want to watch? I can read the pile of magazines that has piled up on the coffee table because I refused to let myself touch them until x, y, and z were finished! I can poop!!!!!!!


Ok, maybe that last one was TMI but if you are a mom you know that pooping in peace is a big deal! Showering is too, but I find that there is something about showering that emits a tiny inaudible frequency that immediately wakes any sleeping child within a 20 foot vicinity, no matter how tired or deep asleep you may think said child is. So that I reserve for when Mr. Wright is playing with my little angels.

But as usual, I digress…… even just sitting down to write this post is something that simply can not be done in the throws of the days chaos. And as a mom, you kind of have to burn the candle at both ends to get what you need, as well as what you want accomplished.

This however does not include Pinterest folks! I am 90% convinced the moms who actually have time to make those cute little monkey shaped planters and rainbow striped polka dotted cupcakes with white truffle ganache are closet meth heads! I mean who in the world has TIME for that??? But I suppose that is a whole other story….


Now if you will excuse me, I have some Millionaire Matchmaker to catch up on.





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One thought on “The onset of InsMOMnia

  1. Love it!!! I can hear you talking in my mind!!! Keep on if ting the good fight my friend !!!

    Posted on February 9, 2015 at 9:07 pm