Glump. (n.)  short for glumpus maximus. 1. a large clump of hair that fuses together like Velcro from failure to brush.

2. A large, protruding mound of hair that starts to resemble a rat’s nest.

3. A task that has been left so long that it is impossible to finish in one sitting.


There are only so many hours in the day. When you become a parent those hours seem to just melt away like (insert witty analogy here.) I thought having one child was crazy but having two can be sheer insanity! Just look at how much less I have blogged since Baby Giant arrived! And I am not complaining  really, I love my life. I love the two little gifts I have brought into the world., but sometimes I can’t hear myself think.. Okay  a lot of times… Even as I (attempt to) write this, I have Tiny at the kitchen table calling me, “Mom, mom, mom, mom.” And I answer her, but as anyone who is a mom will tell you.. she doesn’t really need anything. She just wants to know I am here. So over and over and over, I answer her.. and over and over and over she doesn’t ask a darn thing. And it will go on like this for the next ten minutes or so or until I stop writing.. which I will do now… brb….


Okay I am back…so where was I? Oh right! Time, and how it gets eaten by two tiny little time monsters… Yeah, so anyway. I remember when this friend of mine wrote once about how exciting it was to go the bathroom without her children walking in and I thought to myself, come on Dorothy, don’t you think you are being just a LITTLE dramatic? Surely you can PEE by yourself….

Boy was I wrong….Not only is going to the bathroom like a vacation, but so is drinking a glass of water, or g-d forbid brushing my hair.

My hair is really long. It’s way beyond my shoulders, but you would never know that because I do not show my hair in public. You can refer to my blog post “Coming out Covered” as to why that is. So since I cover my hair, I don’t really HAVE to do too much to it when I get ready. 5 minutes for make-up, throw my hair in a ponytail or bun and throw my wrap on and then I am good to go! Then when I come home, the wrap comes off and my hair stays in that pony tail until it falls out and I redo it…When you have hair this long, brushing it takes time.. time this mama rarely has, and so even after showering, my hair soaked and all, gets thrown right back into a bun-y-tail and the process gets repeated…

After about the 4th consecutive day though, things start getting serious. Now instead of a neat pony tail with ends that are all even and straight, there is this huge pile of hair that is too snarly to brush, and so tangled that even getting conditioner into it is a problem.  That is when my tangled hair is no longer just a bunch of messy hair.. that is when it becomes a glump. I am talking a mess of hair that you can shampoo all day long and it’s too messy to even get wet! It just sits there like a pile of impenetrable evil with no way to stop it! You can brush it and comb it but it just keeps laughing at you! You thought you were going to vanquish me? HAHAHAHAHAH! I own you, puny human ::Throws brush across the room:: Your arms can’t handle this angle for long.. Give up I win!

Okay, well it sure feels like that…..

Even Tiny gets glumps, but hers are pretty manageable and can usually be combed out in the bath with very little effort. Truth be told, my glumps are usually pretty manageable too! But this last one, this glump was like the glump to end all glumps..for a few days there, I thought I would never get it out! Luckily with the help of some heavy duty conditioner and an amazingly patient husband I was able to get the glump down to a manageable size before dispatching it once and for all in a really hot (and totally amazing) shower. As I ran my fingers through my silky hair I told myself to remember this feeling…so luxurious to be able to comb through my mane without having to avoid the danger zone at the nape of my neck!


So what is the purpose of all of this? Despite making you laugh (and I know I did, so don’t even lie) I wanted to share a valuable lesson I learned. Sometimes as moms (and dads) we fail to take time for ourselves to do the things we need to do to stay healthy, and sometimes even sane! We give up these tasks in favor of being better prepared for the challenges we face with our children, or sometimes with other people in our lives (careers, friends, family members, spouses) There is a reason that the airlines make you put on your oxygen mask first, you are no good to anyone if you are dead! But in all seriousness, we MUST put aside time in our lives to take care of our own personal needs, otherwise this glump could have gotten a lot worse!

And the funniest part of all- I spent a TON of time de-glumping my hair…Except instead of 1 minute a night, It all had to be done mostly at once. so if you think about it, waiting to do it was actually worse than doing it when it needed to be done. So my message to you is this: Take a few minutes every day to do something to care for yourself. It can be reading a book you like, it could be brushing your hair, closing your eyes in meditation, whatever the case may be, make sure you take some time to put on your own oxygen mask: to comb out your hair, to have your coffee, before you too end up the victim of a glump.






Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

2 thoughts on “Attack of the Killer Glump! or Mommies Need to Brush Their Hair.

  1. Hahahaha, this did make me laugh. This happens to me all the time! I don’t even have the excuse of little kids in the house anymore! Oh my goodness!
    Thanks for the enjoyable post.

    Posted on September 11, 2014 at 7:32 am
  2. Because de-glumpification is an absolute must (yours or Tiny’s or anyone’s for that matter)… Check out this solution next time – a tad bit of coconut oil and a brush like The Wet Brush (short of the absolutely horrid smell that could kill you right out of the package, the brush does amazing things with minimal damage to the glumpified hair and makes de-glumping a much easier task should it get to that point again in the (not) so near future).

    Posted on September 12, 2014 at 12:38 am