I. am. exhausted.
Not in that “gee, I think I need a nap and a latte,” sort of way. Not in the “work is just taking too much out of me this week” kind of way- I am exhausted to my very core. I forget where I put things, I forget what I am doing, I have no idea what time or day it is. I have Hermes bags under my eyes- that is how tired I am.
Naturally I am no stranger to exhaustion, heck like anyone else I was 25 once- I did the whole get dressed at 9pm, go out at 10pm, and stumble home 20 minutes before work with one high heel on, and a face smeared with mascara, then mainline an espresso and jump in the car (after changing shoes of course!) I mean who hasn’t done that?! The work day to follow would be horrific at best, with me wearing my sunglasses all day while nursing yet another coffee, constantly telling people to stop yelling. Then, as I cat napped at my desk, I would silently promise myself that I would never do this again……You know.. until the next time.
This is different though. This time it isn’t my fault, and no amount of coffee is going to fix this. The only thing that will fix this kind of tired is that strange elusive animal they call sleep. And THAT is just something I can’t have right now.
What is it about sleep? It terrifies and delights people all at the same time. Not always at the same time, and certainly not the same people. Take my daughter for example. Like most almost 20 month olds she despises sleep. She will be sitting there, rubbing her eyes, nodding off in the bath tub, but as soon as you go to pop her in bed it’s like Studio 54 around here, and she wants to dance, sing, read books, build a Lego castle, anything but sleep.
Baby Giant is the same way, he will be nodding off in my arms and then suddenly jerk awake because he too, has no use for sleep. I don’t GET it!!! What I wouldn’t give to be nestled into those 800 thread count sheets under a fluffy down comforter and just close my eyes while someone plays Heavenly Lullabies on an IPAD.
But to be fair, I also know I was the same way when I was a little girl. I remember my dad trying to sell me on the idea of sleep and like my kids- I wasn’t buying it. Sleep meant I was missing out, that life was going on without me, that I wasn’t part of the action. Little did I know just what that action was- everyone else in the house sleeping too! Since Tiny can’t talk yet it is hard for me to tell her that Mommy sleeps too and how important sleep is for growing big and strong and being healthy!
Today I made some headway though! After lunch I brought her in her room and laid her in her bed, as she sobbed, I told her how tired she was and pointed to the next room where I would be waiting for her. I made sure to smile so she didn’t view this as a punishment. I commented on how she was rubbing her eyes and that she was very sleepy! Surprisingly she laid down and said “nuh nite.” Ladies and gentleman, I felt like I had won the lottery! I subconsciously did that hand raising thing- the one the gymnasts do when they finish a routine. I had finally gotten through to her! As I shut her door, I listened for the usual screaming and jumping and sobbing but it never came. I peeked on the monitor and saw a sleepy, peaceful toddler slowly succumbing to sleep.
I dragged myself into the living room and picked up my now stone cold coffee. I breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe I would get that nap I so desperately needed. As I raised my cup to my lips I closed my eyes and listened to the …..
WAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Baby Giant was done taking his customary 15 minute nap.
Whoever said sleep was overrated clearly was not a stay- at-home mom.