Let me start out this post by saying I absolutely adore my daughter. She is my entire world, my light, my precious gift from G-d. You can see me wax poetic about her in just about every one of these entries. She is adorable, she is funny, and sweet, and least importantly, she is gorgeous. Tiny is everything a mommy could ask for in a baby girl.
That being said.. I am absolutely head-over-heels in love with her baby brother…and the funniest thing about it? I didn’t want a boy.
Now before the grumblies in my audience get all huffy puffy and scold me for not wanting a baby boy- let me tell you my reasons, cause I had several. Of course they all seem silly now, but at the time these were legitimate real reasons for hoping, no praying for another little girl…
First:. Girls are my thing, I already have one in my collection, and along with her come tons of cute little onesies and dresses and hair accessories, and more pink than a flock of flamingoes (who are only pink from eating shrimp by the way, did you know that?) Anyway, I also am already used to the things that go along with being a girl’s mommy, things like wiping from front to back, and cleaning up “messes” that defy gravity. I think I am at least a novice at this fine art.
Secondly… I know little girls.. heck I was one for like 12 years, and so I would like to think that I kind of have an idea of what mine is feeling when she acts a certain way, not to say that I remember being 19 months old (if I did that would be scary!) but I do remember what it was like to be big enough to open the door, but too small to climb over the gate. And of course, like my daughter, I had my daddy wrapped around my tiny little finger, as Tiny does…so I don’t get offended when she wants Daddy to hold her, dress her, help her. I was the same way.
Thirdly, girls are, well girls. Sugar and Spice and everything nice! They don’t bring frogs home (not until Jr. High anyway- hahaha) They don’t have peeing for distance contests, and they don’t get dirty just for the sake of getting dirty… Okay well in my mind’s eye they don’t, so don’t burst my bubble yet ok?
Well you get the idea, the whole boy thing- just wasn’t for me. Despite this feeling of fear- as soon as I knew I was pregnant I knew:
We were having a little boy. I, NSMM was going to have a SON! OMFG.
12 weeks later it was confirmed when an ultrasound showed a very healthy little fetus, and right between his stubbly little legs an itty bitty turtle- a turtle that would someday be full of pee, pee that would inevitably end up all over me, in my hair, or worse…in my mouth? The horror stories I had heard!
So off we went from the Drs and I immediately set to work crocheting a peepee teepee, a tiny little triangle that you place over the male anatomy, which prevents the baby from peeing up and all over you. How foolish I was to think that I would be able to affix this piece of apparel before he did his thing… As it is, peeing is the least of my worries when it comes to his diapers… but I digress…
Fast forward to after Baby Giant was born, like right when my midwife handed him to me. I was sold. This gigantic lump of a baby (because that is what he was, at 11.5 lbs!) was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen since his sister, and I was deeply in love with him. With Tiny it took a while for the bonding to happen- probably because I was so thankful to no longer be ripping from the inside out- but with Baby Giant it was instant. He was mine, I was his. Just like that.
And that is the way it has been ever since.
Tiny was always a very independent little thing. Feed me, change me, attend to my needs and then, if you are lucky I might snuggle with you or bestow one of my coveted little kisses on you. Baby Giant is waaaay more needy, but in a good way. His mentality (at the ripe old age of almost 2 months) is more of a “snuggle me” kind of a guy. As a matter of fact, as I am writing this- Mr. full ,dry, and comfy just cried to be held just because…and he doesn’t just want to be held… according to Baby Giant, if there are not three points of contact, it doesn’t count. He wants me to swallow him into my arms when I hold him, he doesn’t mind betraying how much he needs me. He is a big guy at almost 16 pounds, but he is a big BABY:)
I was also really afraid after how “easy” Tiny was, that the second baby was going to be CRAZY! Another thing my friends all said, was that “If I had the second one first, I wouldn’t have had the first one.” I have not had that experience at all. This little dude is laaaaaid back, I mean- when he doesn’t need me, which is like..never.. well you know what I mean…
But after all that belly aching I did when I found out I was having him, I can’t imagine life without my son. I just want to hold him and protect him and be the best mom I can be for him. I already envision myself as that crazy lady secretly following him on his first date to lecture the girl he is taking out because if she hurts my son I will hunt her down and KILL her…and I am already dreading the day he meets “the one” and I am no longer the most important “girl” in his life…but for now.. while he still fits snuggly in my arms, I will smother him with kisses, sing him lullabies, and cuddle him as he falls asleep.
And each and every day for the rest of my life-I will thank G-d for the son that I didn’t “want.”