I would like to think I am starting to get the hang of this mommy thing.

Tiny is growing wonderfully (at last!!) She is hitting milestones like standing on her own and playing peekaboo and I have managed not to lock her in the car with the keys in it or go out to do errands without a diaper in the bag. (Although I did forget the wipes once, and that wasn’t pretty)  I think, now safely just over a week away from Tiny’s first birthday I haven’t done half-bad!

Of course I do not for one second profess to be an expert on all things infant. I still can’t figure out how to get Tiny to keep her bib on long enough to eat an entire meal or how to put her to sleep without her wailing away in bed despite how exhausted she is. I still struggle with entertaining and nurturing her while keeping up with cooking, cleaning, laundry and all the other fun Mommy things I do. Nevertheless, overall, I am pretty proud of myself. I have just about gotten into a groove! Until recently when I started to feel really tired…..

and moody…..

and kind of queasy…

but I wasn’t worried. I was breastfeeding after all! There was no way I could have ovulated.. I wasn’t even worried… I only took that stupid test to put my mind at ease….and just like I knew it would be it was…

POSITIVE.

wait what? Must have been false. I took another one..

POSITIVE… and this wasn’t the “turn the test all different ways” and “hold it in the sun to see if the light hits it just right…” this was like pee on stick and hello plus sign!

Mr. Wright looked at me and offered me his congratulations. I just sat on the toilet and wished it would flush and pull me inside of it.

It wasn’t that I wasn’t happy.. I mean I was and I AM! But holy cow- I am just getting to know the person I already made! And now I am already crafting another one?

What happened to all the pretty new clothes I rewarded myself with when I lost the baby weight? What about the new routine I had gotten into that didn’t consist of making pit stops to puke? What about all the fun plans I had for me and my little girl to spoil her rotten and let her be little?

I processed all of that while still sitting in the bathroom.

I googled all these crazy things like “ideal spacing for children” and “when is too soon for a sibling?” I thought about myself, driving through town with two car seats, and a double stroller, twice the cloth diapers to wash and two little people needing my attention in tandem! It was too much!

I finally calmed down a little.. ( after speaking to a very good friend who talked me off the ledge, thank you Mystika) and I realized that this was my new reality. I wasn’t going to change this situation even if I could…This was happening. I was gulp.. having another baby.

Me, the girl who not even two years ago could easily spend $200 a month on shoes, was pregnant with my second child, and like it or not that second child was coming in 9 months and counting.

Believe it or not, once I came to terms with the concreteness of the situation, it was much easier to handle.

I soon learned that this baby is due in early December and so far all looks well! I am finally starting to get excited about the idea of another little newborn in the house, and beginning to focus on the things I want to do differently this time.

I want this baby to have a baby book, because Tiny didn’t. I want to nurse a lot longer this time.

Another thing that will be great this time around, is that this savvy mama had the foresight to register for mostly unisex items for Tiny’s arrival. That means that whether we have a little girl or boy, we already have 90% of the preparation done.

The fun part? Getting to hone in on those few key items we missed last time. This time I can go hog wild on Etsy and have custom made blankets and clothes and goodness knows what else!

Another bonus? I know pretty much what to expect! I will be so ready when this little one arrives! Well, I will be more ready than I was last time.. I will…

sigh…

This is going to take some getting used to yet…..

to be continued………

<3NSMM

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